Children: Our Hope For The Future

When I became a parent, one of my "hopes" was that I could help my children be the best they could be, to obtain great happiness in all areas of their lives.
We are filled with hopes and dreams for our children and wish that they are successful and happy. There doesn't seem to be any parent who does not hope their child is happy. Thich Nhat Hanh says that hope is actually an obstacle.
It is based on a future notion -that something better will arrive. It keeps us from thoroughly enjoying what is happening in the moment. I think of this and wonder if in many ways this is true.

We "hope" our children will be happy, but are we doing anything about it now to ensure that they are, in this moment? I don't mean buying them an endless supply of things on their "I want" list. It's about being in the present moment. Do our kids want more things and more activities, or would they be content with more of us? More of us truly being with them, enjoying them as they are, right here and now.

It has been my observation with my own five children, that ultimately it takes very little to make them happy.
They want to spend time with us - unadulterated time.

When our child tells us they don't want to continue with baseball, do we listen or do we make them stick it our because we "hope" one day they will realize how good they are at it, or how they can get a scholarship? We 'hope" our children are happy, so we plan many activities, sign them up for many sports and activities (that they may or may not be inclined to be in), yet when they are upset or do not want to go to practice, we make them go anyway.

We "hope" one day they'll learn how important it is to honor their commitments.

But they aren't the ones committing.
Maybe in our hopes that they do a little better than us, we plan a lot for them, just in case. Maybe the best we can do for them is to thoroughly enjoy our now and let them do the same. If WE want to enjoy a sport or activity- it's not too late! There are places for us to live out our childhood dreams of playing baseball, dance, theatre or whatever it is that we wished we had played when we were young.

If they want to try out some different activities, that's cool.
There are many outlets for this that do not require them to commit for a lifetime nor be in Olympic-style training.
If they find their passion, let us honor it, nurture it, yet be willing to let it go, if they change their mind! Childhood is all about playing dress-up - finding out what we like (and do not like!). My daughter thought she would love soccer! We signed her up, got a "pink ball" (her favorite part) and she spent the entire time wanting to play goalie so she could play in the sand.
We joked that we should bring sand toys.
She tried it out.

She did not like it.
End of soccer.
Although, she is incredibly proud of her trophy! It was fun although the coach was truly disappointed that we did not force our daughter to engage more.
She refused to allow her daughter the luxury of coloring while not playing.

This was serious! She was in training.

She was five! Sometimes the only way we can ensure our children's happiness is to make sure we are taking care of our own happiness and not asking our children to do that for us. Teaching our children that true happiness lies within - it is not something you will ever achieve in totality from some thing or some event.

It is a connection with something bigger than yourself and a sense that you are completely, magically "whole" just because you exist. If we give them the "keys" to happiness now, we won't ever have to hope for happiness in the future. It will simply take care of itself.